Sunday reflection: fear
Fear is a four-letter word that is often unspoken because it isn’t the done thing to show vulnerability, to lose that stiff upper lift, to not ‘stay calm and carry on’.
My lip isn’t stiff; it is a trembling thing, as my body is a tremulous thing, private and yet out of my control.
Some prefer to use that other four-letter word, as though to spit out in anger hides the fear. Yet fear is mixed in with the verbal vomit that comes out of a cursory, throwaway word. I have used this F-word more than I’ve admitted to feeling fear.
Fear can seem self-explanatory, because we all feel it at some point or another, unless we are automaton, and perhaps even robots feel fear, they just haven’t been programmed to admit it.
Some don’t like to admit fear, don’t want to be seen as weak; instead, they become critical, judgemental, ‘what they would do if it were them’. I have done this too.
But it is ok to feel fear as a cry in the night, a panic attack, an inability to sleep, a churning in the pit of the stomach, a vomiting when the stomach is empty, a loss of control, a lack of concentration, a feeling of helplessness, a need for distraction…
To feel fear is to feel my humanity come to life when I need it most.